Saturday, March 28, 2009
Didn’t I always confess I am miss misfortune? One more amusingly unfortunate incident to prove it...
If the movie “confessions of a shopaholic” was ever produced, it must have been conceptualized with yours truly in mind... Breezy and an overcast Saturday evening, I had been shopping for over an hour at the ever infamous sarojini nagar market for nightwear, because this is one place where you get inexpensive rugged body friendly fabrics, sculpted into comfortable ensembles, at rock bottom prices, and being a single woman, with no man to glare at me and my humble self, while I sleep, I prefer unflattering, cheap yet stress free prêt night wear, how much ever I might flaunt my figure in expensive designer stuff while strutting in parties!
Suddenly I feel a drop go plop on my head. It’s about to rain. No way! I was not going to let a light drizzle to play wet blanket with my plans to go full swing on a fruit diet. So, despite the skies crying out a desolate warning, I make a desperate attempt to purchase some really sumptuous fresh fruit, Only to be almost caught in a downpour…
But then, I am “vandy” nothing can get the better of me, I rejoiced; not time, destiny or even nature! That’s why, before the gods above burst the tankers, I was safely inside my tiny buggy, snug with my purchases, and lit the ignition and reversed the vehicle, which was parked on the top of a sidewalk near the apartments.
Alas! As mum always said,” Are you happy honey?? Don’t worry you will soon get over it”! Blinded by the sudden cloudburst, the left hand side tyre flies off the twelve inch high concrete and is left spinning in the air with the rod, connecting the set of the two front tyres, landing with a devilish conspiracy, that the duo [the tyres I mean] had hatched against me, on the pavement and the car balancing to save its precious life!
Now what? Visibility is next to zero, it’s late in the night, and hardly a soul around. After debating, and relentlessly trying my level best to reverse or move the car forward, the only outcome was, the stubborn wheel, I mean the tyre, spun, churned, whipped up some fresh creamy wet mud and gyrated, disobediently in the air, as if to mock me and sing in chorus,”you took us for a ride girl, now we spin u around!” with the car not budging a centimeter.
Then, just out of nowhere a man in a wagon r, notices, slows down, observes, and…just passes by, wiping off the optimistic smile on my countenance.
But no, he stops just behind me, parks and walks up in the deluge and volunteers to the damsel in distress.
Now it was my turn to scoff at the wheels! Ha! You two nincompoops! The Gods are watching me. See? He launched his messenger [yahoo.co!] to take care of me!
In no time the quick witted man had formulated an arrangement, propped up the wicked wheel on bricks, created a slant, reversed my car, handed me my keys tipped his hat, oops! Sorry no there was no hat there I do get carried away into the Victorian era at times such as these! With me thanking him profusely for turning into my knight in shining armour, we exchanged smiles and were on our way!
Where?? To our individual destinations of course!
With me, drenched to the bone, yet happily spinning through the torrent, humming, and “raindrops keep falling on my head! And nothing can get me down!!”
So in a nutshell, I am Miss MISS FORTUNE AND FORTUNE ALWAYS GIVES ME A MISS.BUT THEN WHEN I MISS FORTUNE, FORTUNE STARTS MISSING ME! ARE YOU MISSING SOMETHING HERE? NO SWEAT LET’S START ALL OVER AGAIN!!LOLZ!
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
ARRESTED ON HOLI!
NOW WHO WANTS UNLIMITED SEX ON HOLI???AND WANTS TO GET ARRESTED WHILE DOING IT!! :)??
Ahaan!! Having grabbed your attention, I come straight to the main reason why this write-up was given birth! Although, I must confess, that the prologue has little to do with the contents that follow...
Many Homo sapiens had come to my knowledge who have been perpetually tagged with misfortune and unforeseen circumstances. They are 24x7 the victims of weird happenings, not initiated by them. Basically, they are slaves to Miss Calamity and ought to be labeled Red, Hot and Dangerous explosives that may go, “Kaboom” Any moment!
Now for all those who are totally nonplussed as to where is this leading, allow me to put your doubts to rest. We are describing, myself, a clumsy species that eternally has trouble tailing her, and seems to become the object of mirth, and hence providing constant entertainment to people, so frequently, that she could qualify as Mr. Bean’s sibling
One of the innumerable hilarious episodes, which at the moment of the mishap seemed far from so, is the Holi havoc. Having lost the entire set of my room keys, I needed to have my bedroom handle lock changed, which was instantly done by a carpenter working in the apartment below. The morning after,”the unholy-Holi morning”, I awaken to the fact that I am not able to open the door as the handle had been set free! Still hung over by lack of sleep and an unfocused mind, with all my might, my will and my determination, I try to yield as much pressure on the handle.
Finally the poor unassuming metal, yanks and snaps from its spring, into a sweaty, clammy palm, blushing with gnawingly painful blisters!!
For a moment I felt the strength of Mike Tyson flowing through my veins, but the euphoria was short-lived! Woes of woes, the 24 hour help lady was on a festive vacation. With both my mobile phones getting charged in the study, my telephone directory being marked absent from the room, a dead wi -fi connection as my laptop had been mercilessly damaged by my inadequacy with the techno gizmos, where did I stand??
Ahh an obsolete non functional landline, lying in a corner of the room. To get it working and alive again, it had to be charged. Eureka!! I remembered dad’s number,
Engaged!! He seemed to be preoccupied, chatting up with uncles his age, and must be making plans to congregate in the colony park to enjoy a leisurely, blissfully colorful Holi!
Fortunately, my room has a window that opens into the back ally, I catch a glimpse of the servant’s kids and some grownups smothering each other with auspicious gulal. “Help!”
I bellow. “I am under house arrest by my own will and not to mention, my foolhardiness. Please take the keys and rescue me!” They gaze at me as though I am pouring Latin, French ad Greek into their benevolent ears. “Fool!”
I mentally reprimand myself, its Hindi that works wonders in such situations.
After having thrown my keys across, I was knocked into the realization, that even if they unlocked the main gate, there was the iron bolt and the wooden door to combat with? Trials Never end.
They say that the penultimate test is always in hot waters [or maybe something like that]
I need such adventurous and audacious situations to get my idle brain functioning. Then the idea struck me like a bolt of lightening, when in trouble dial 100, and indeed that was the brainwave of holy day, I mean the holi –day.
“Police beat room!” Cooed a voice, which sounded music to my ears. Having explained my situation all I had to do was, wait. Taking advantage of the time at hand, I showered and got dressed to play the festive holi with friends.
Although I must add it was not at all tasteful witnessing eight men clothed in police uniform, crackling in a heavy Haryanvi accent, breaking the main door and raiding my entire house. Yet, that moment I could comprehend the significance of the term “freedom”.
With the newly acquired autonomy, I was all set to enjoy it to the hilt, armed with a new confidence, a new life, a new meaning!! Ouch! Okay I know, I know, it’s getting way out of the league
So we come to an end of episode one of the 1st day series. Episode two of the same day to follow soon! All’s well that end’s well. May we all stay blessed!